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How I Define “Birthmother”

When we first began to explore adoption in order to start our family almost ten years ago, we realized that besides the goal of wanting a baby, I wasn’t going to have a lot in common with my friends who were pregnant and starting their families. At a time when we should have been leading almost parallel lives, it really felt as though we were worlds apart.

So as we dove into our own world, we were faced with the term “birth mother” over and over again. And then there were questions about a birth mother – what type of relationship did we want before the birth of her baby and then what type of contact did we want after?

To be honest, until we actually spoke to our first expectant mother, it was hard to put a “face to a name”. But once we had that first conversation and we just had that gut feeling that this was “the one” for us, it was the most human and heartfelt moment I had ever experienced.

At a time when we could have felt very alone, navigating the adoption process and learning about birth mothers through the help of Elisabeth and Adoptions First made us feel anything but. They helped us feel grounded and supported through it all.

When I speak to people now who don’t know a lot about adoption and I tell them about our journey, they sometimes reply with a look of disbelief. And I simply tell them that while you were going for ultrasounds and glucose tests, I was getting finger printed for my home study and talking to birth moms; something that felt far more natural to me at that time than anything else I had endured in our efforts to start our family.

And now all these years later, I am not only honored, but completely humbled by our three children’s birth mothers. Each one of these beautiful women who are affectionately known as a Tummy Mummy in our family, has shown us the true meaning of sacrifice and has helped make our dreams a reality. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about them and all three have a very special place in my heart.

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